My wife keeps saying I need sex education but does not disclose why. Must I comply? Jeremy H..
Dear Jeremy, you must be disturbed by your wife’s comments. She seems to indicate that you may not be meeting her expectations. May be she is disappointed and seems uncomfortable talking about sex. She may feel sex education be better. You need to talk to find out what it is she is dissatisfied about. She should be specific about the real issue are causing her discontent.
Going for sex education without addressing the real issue it may be a waste of time. Sex education would also need to address the issue causing dissatisfaction. You need to be honest. Remember to listen and do not be judgemental. Sex is a two-way matter and both of you contribute to the satisfaction each receives in the relationship. If you cannot talk openly, find a neutral, trusted person or qualified counsellor who will help you discuss the matter so that you come to an understanding about what to do.
Jeremy, in order to be healthy, your sexual relationship must fulfil your sexual desires and those of your partner. In terms of the types and frequency of sexual engagement, however, there is no recipe for a healthy sexual relationship because what works for one couple may not work for another couple and peoples’ sexual desires, perspectives and histories vary considerably. Sex is more than sexual intercourse. It includes: kissing, cuddling, holding hands, hugging.
According to World Health Organisation, “sexual health is a state of physical, emotional, mental and social wellbeing in relation to sexuality it is not merely the absence of disease, dysfunction or infirmity.”
A healthy sexual relationship, therefore, is one in which the individuals are physically and psychologically content with frequency and nature of sexual encounters. A healthy sexual relationship should involve protection against Sexually Transmitted Infections and be free of coercion, sexual assault, rape, discrimination, violence and pain. All individuals involved should be aware of their rights to stop sexual encounters at any time and feel confident to discuss and initiate sexual activities as they desire. Healthy sexual relationships may involve periods of abstinence, when sex is not desired or when the desired sexual partner is not available.
Uncle Joe Musaalo is a Counselling Psychologist.
NEXT WEEK’s issue
Dear Uncle Joe, My partner no longer takes care of her body shape after delivery. What can I do for her? George L.